We have a brand new baby boy! Sam Alexander Starr was
born Wednesday, November 27, 2013 at 10:33 a.m. He weighed 9 lbs., 6 oz. and
was 21 inches long. We named him after my pawpaw Sam and Jeremy's pawpaw, John "Alexander." Oh, and I must say, he is perfect. We arrived at Ochsner
around 8 a.m., with the C-section scheduled for 10 a.m. I wasn’t as scared this
time around. But I was still pretty nervous going in. The room was freezing and
I still hate needles. But the spinal tap wasn’t so bad, and in seconds, I was
numb. Dr. Parise got started and at one point, they were just waiting for
Jeremy to arrive. In less than a minute after Jeremy walked in, they were
pulling the baby out. It was all so fast, and of course, Jeremy had to look
over the curtain to see everything. He even took pictures… not really
appropriate for facebook. The doctors took about 45 minutes to “sew” me back up
and Jeremy told the family the good news, another boy!
I’ve been recovering slowly, but steadily. My incision still
hurts, even two weeks after the C-section. But it’s getting better each day. And
it was much better than the alternative! Sam sleeps most of the day and most of
the night, which is more than we could ask for. We took his newborn photos a
few days ago and I can’t wait to see all of the images. We’ve had quite a few
visitors over to welcome Sam, which is always nice. We appreciate all of the
love and help. Jasper is a great big brother. He even lets Sam play with his
trains. Our pediatrician told us that he may start getting a little jealous
after about six weeks, but I’m trying to stay optimistic. I like to think they’ll
grow up as best friends.
For now, I’m at home, enjoying the quiet and slowly
preparing for Christmas. Sam and I spend the day eating, sleeping and cuddling.
I wrap the occasional Christmas present and try to keep up with the laundry. It’s
nice to just relax. And thank God for Amazon.
Sometimes, God finds funny ways to show us what’s best
and what we really need. All of my life, I just assumed I’d have a girl. She’d
wear those big bows on her bald, baby head. She’d go to Chapelle. She’d follow
my footsteps and be a Zeta at LSU. And here I am, a mother to two boys. Two
perfectly healthy, beautiful and fun boys. I have to admit, the entire time I
was pregnant, I couldn't picture a girl. But I could see, clear as day, Jasper
and “Sam” playing together, best friends, brothers. I guess I should’ve known
all along. I’ve been pretty emotional these past two weeks, appreciating what
God has blessed me with—an amazing husband and two beautiful boys. And I’m
slowly letting that “expectation” of a girl go. In fact, I found an article that really hit home for me. It couldn't have come to me at a better time.
17 Things Boys Need From Their Moms
Children need many
things from their parents. They need stability, protection, nurturing, and
love. They also need other things, different things from each of their parents.
I have seen several such lists, and I wanted to add my opinion into the mix.
Because I am a
mommy to a little boy, this is what I know. So, here’s the list of things I
pray I give to my little guy, in order to help him grow into a good man – the
things I think every little boy needs from his mom.
A boy needs:
To be showered
with affection - hugs,
kisses, all of it. Until he is big enough to not want that anymore. Then he
needs you to ruffle his hair, put your hand on his shoulder, and hug him
anyway. He needs to know the importance of human contact so that he doesn’t
keep it from his wife or children.
To dance – in the car, in the living room, in the front yard. Slow dance, crazy dance, any kind of dancing the song calls for, even if there’s no song at all. He will learn that life has a soundtrack. That there is no moment too small to celebrate, and the big ones….. they almost always call for dancing.
To be told secrets – and let him tell them to you. Big or small. Doesn’t matter what they are. He needs to know that he can always talk to you, about anything. And besides, secrets are fun!
For you to marry the kind of man you want him to be – because he will. His views of marriage are shaped by what he sees from you. He will model himself after the men in his life. The kind of husband he is, the kind of father he is, the kind of man he is. You can’t example that to him, so find someone who will.
To learn the kinds of things that women need – tell him your favorite flower and let him “buy” them for you. Let him take you out to dinner. Let him know that girls like jewelry, and shoes. Let him open doors and hold your hand. Show him what a gentleman looks like.
To appreciate beauty, real beauty – don’t put yourself down in front of him. He will learn to see you like you see you. He will, at some point, think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Let him. Don’t tell him he’s wrong. Let him watch you do your nails, your hair, and your make-up. It won’t make him less “manly”, but it will help him understand that women need to feel beautiful. Hopefully, he’ll spend the rest of his life appreciating the lengths we go to in order to attain that beauty.
Discipline – don’t just let his father do it. He needs to respect that you are a figure of authority also. He needs to know that your voice carries just as much weight. He needs to understand what co-parenting looks like; he’ll do it himself someday.
To respect – he will treat his wife the way he was allowed to treat you. He will treat every woman the way he was allowed to treat you. Show him that the correct way to speak to women is with respect and dignity. He’ll thank you for it some day.
To learn to say ‘sir’ and ‘miss’ - it will take him so far in life. People appreciate this little extra bit of politeness and respect. It can make someone’s day to be made to feel important and appreciated.
Comfort – kiss his boo boo’s, hold him when he needs it. He’ll learn that when it hurts, it’s ok to cry. Eventually your kisses won’t fix everything, but knowing that you want to fix it, that you wish you could heal every one of his broken hearts, it will give him some comfort. It will give him a place to start healing and a spot to launch from when the time comes to get back up.
Responsibility – make him put his own laundry away, take out the trash, and help you do the dishes. Make him earn an allowance to save up for that new guitar, or video game, or baseball equipment. If you don’t, all housework will forever be known as “woman’s work” and nobody wants a man like that. You want him to be the man who will step up and help his wife take care of their home. You want him to learn to take care of the things he has acquired and you want him to know how to work for something he wants.
To learn his lesson – even the hard ones. This is one of the hardest parts. As mothers we want to shield our children from the big, bad world. We want to run to them every time we see them start down a path that will lead no place good. We want to take their place every time they might get hurt. And sometimes they need that. Sometimes they need shielding and protecting. Sometimes they need mom to swoop in and save the day. And sometimes they don’t. They will be more effective adults if they are given the opportunity to learn that actions have consequences. They will be more effective adults if they learn how to walk away or say no themselves. And they will be more effective adults if they learn how to handle disappointment.
To see his mom respect his father – show him every day what respect looks like. Show him the way a wife should treat her husband. If you’re not married to his father, show him the way to co-parent peacefully, with respect. He needs a woman who will respect him. Show him what to look for.
Love, unconditionally – and make sure he knows it. When he’s being sweet and obedient. And when he’s not. Every time my son is in trouble, after he has served out whatever punishment he has earned and/or we have had the necessary discussions, I always tell him I love him. We always end on a positive. I never want him to doubt my love for him and I want him to understand that there is nothing he could do to make my love for him diminish. It is very important to me that he knows my love for him is unconditional.
To talk to his mom about sex – when he’s old enough and the timing is right. Let his dad talk to him, too, but he needs a woman’s perspective. He needs to know the emotional sides to sex and the ways in which he can damage, or love, a woman with them. He needs to have a place he can ask questions and be honest. He needs more than just the facts and the hormones.
His mom to be his biggest fan – whether it be on the t-ball field or at the World Series, his first guitar lesson or a stage, a finger painting or an art gallery masterpiece. Be his biggest fan. The world is full of people just waiting to show him he’s not the best. Let him know, that in your eyes, they will always be wrong.
His mom to be right next to him – through everything. Hold his little body when he’s sick and his hand when he’s broken-hearted. Stand next to him, with pride, on his first day of kindergarten and his high school graduation. Help him fix his tie for his first date and his wedding day. Be the first one to him after the birth of his children. Be right next to him… every time.
To dance – in the car, in the living room, in the front yard. Slow dance, crazy dance, any kind of dancing the song calls for, even if there’s no song at all. He will learn that life has a soundtrack. That there is no moment too small to celebrate, and the big ones….. they almost always call for dancing.
To be told secrets – and let him tell them to you. Big or small. Doesn’t matter what they are. He needs to know that he can always talk to you, about anything. And besides, secrets are fun!
For you to marry the kind of man you want him to be – because he will. His views of marriage are shaped by what he sees from you. He will model himself after the men in his life. The kind of husband he is, the kind of father he is, the kind of man he is. You can’t example that to him, so find someone who will.
To learn the kinds of things that women need – tell him your favorite flower and let him “buy” them for you. Let him take you out to dinner. Let him know that girls like jewelry, and shoes. Let him open doors and hold your hand. Show him what a gentleman looks like.
To appreciate beauty, real beauty – don’t put yourself down in front of him. He will learn to see you like you see you. He will, at some point, think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Let him. Don’t tell him he’s wrong. Let him watch you do your nails, your hair, and your make-up. It won’t make him less “manly”, but it will help him understand that women need to feel beautiful. Hopefully, he’ll spend the rest of his life appreciating the lengths we go to in order to attain that beauty.
Discipline – don’t just let his father do it. He needs to respect that you are a figure of authority also. He needs to know that your voice carries just as much weight. He needs to understand what co-parenting looks like; he’ll do it himself someday.
To respect – he will treat his wife the way he was allowed to treat you. He will treat every woman the way he was allowed to treat you. Show him that the correct way to speak to women is with respect and dignity. He’ll thank you for it some day.
To learn to say ‘sir’ and ‘miss’ - it will take him so far in life. People appreciate this little extra bit of politeness and respect. It can make someone’s day to be made to feel important and appreciated.
Comfort – kiss his boo boo’s, hold him when he needs it. He’ll learn that when it hurts, it’s ok to cry. Eventually your kisses won’t fix everything, but knowing that you want to fix it, that you wish you could heal every one of his broken hearts, it will give him some comfort. It will give him a place to start healing and a spot to launch from when the time comes to get back up.
Responsibility – make him put his own laundry away, take out the trash, and help you do the dishes. Make him earn an allowance to save up for that new guitar, or video game, or baseball equipment. If you don’t, all housework will forever be known as “woman’s work” and nobody wants a man like that. You want him to be the man who will step up and help his wife take care of their home. You want him to learn to take care of the things he has acquired and you want him to know how to work for something he wants.
To learn his lesson – even the hard ones. This is one of the hardest parts. As mothers we want to shield our children from the big, bad world. We want to run to them every time we see them start down a path that will lead no place good. We want to take their place every time they might get hurt. And sometimes they need that. Sometimes they need shielding and protecting. Sometimes they need mom to swoop in and save the day. And sometimes they don’t. They will be more effective adults if they are given the opportunity to learn that actions have consequences. They will be more effective adults if they learn how to walk away or say no themselves. And they will be more effective adults if they learn how to handle disappointment.
To see his mom respect his father – show him every day what respect looks like. Show him the way a wife should treat her husband. If you’re not married to his father, show him the way to co-parent peacefully, with respect. He needs a woman who will respect him. Show him what to look for.
Love, unconditionally – and make sure he knows it. When he’s being sweet and obedient. And when he’s not. Every time my son is in trouble, after he has served out whatever punishment he has earned and/or we have had the necessary discussions, I always tell him I love him. We always end on a positive. I never want him to doubt my love for him and I want him to understand that there is nothing he could do to make my love for him diminish. It is very important to me that he knows my love for him is unconditional.
To talk to his mom about sex – when he’s old enough and the timing is right. Let his dad talk to him, too, but he needs a woman’s perspective. He needs to know the emotional sides to sex and the ways in which he can damage, or love, a woman with them. He needs to have a place he can ask questions and be honest. He needs more than just the facts and the hormones.
His mom to be his biggest fan – whether it be on the t-ball field or at the World Series, his first guitar lesson or a stage, a finger painting or an art gallery masterpiece. Be his biggest fan. The world is full of people just waiting to show him he’s not the best. Let him know, that in your eyes, they will always be wrong.
His mom to be right next to him – through everything. Hold his little body when he’s sick and his hand when he’s broken-hearted. Stand next to him, with pride, on his first day of kindergarten and his high school graduation. Help him fix his tie for his first date and his wedding day. Be the first one to him after the birth of his children. Be right next to him… every time.
Boys, I will always be your biggest fan. I’ll do my best
to show you unconditional love every day. Jeremy and I will teach you the
importance of respect and responsibility. I’ll kiss your boo-boo’s as long as
you’ll let me. And I’ll be there for you as long as God allows.
Love,
Mom
