I can do better.

I was on an interview about eight years ago. It was going really well. I was connecting with her. And toward the end of the interview, I was somewhat confident I had it in the bag. But then, on the very last question, I completely lost our connection. She asked me what accomplishment I was most proud of. At the time, Jasper was about six months old. All I could think about was him, and what I had been through up until this moment. Pregnancy. Gaining A TON of weight. Having to deliver him naturally when the epidural didn't work. Waking up in a panic the second night he was home, thinking he was dead because he had slept six straight hours. And everything else that comes with being a first-time parent to a newborn. My answer was, "Becoming a mom."

I lost her. This woman didn't have children. In that moment, we completely disconnected. I tried to save myself by quickly mentioning my grad school thesis, but there was no recovery from this. I didn't get the job. Instead, a few days later, I went on another interview, and luckily, I got that job and things worked out. But I'll never forget that moment. Being a parent isn't for everyone. But to me, it is everything. 

I think it's important that we all find our purpose, whether it be making new discoveries, helping others, being a provider for our family, owning a business and becoming successful, being a philanthropist, bringing happiness to others through our talents, creating awareness for a cause, or simply being a good parent. My purpose in life is being a good parent, and raising my children to be good people. I described parenting as "simple" because it's a basic concept. Is it easy? No. I will spend the rest of my life working to get better at it. I will challenge myself and they will challenge me. And when my time here is done, I hope and pray that my work was enough--that they are happy and that they make others happy.

Moms today talk a lot about being "enough." I think that being a mom today vs. being a mom 40 years ago is a lot harder. Social media reminds us, literally by the minute, how much happier other people are, how much better their lives are, and how much more money they make. So I think it's wonderful that we come together to remind each other that although we have different parenting styles, we're all on the same side, and we are "enough."  But I can't stop there. I can't look at my kids and feel like I've done JUST enough. I believe that there's always room for improvement. I need to do better. Right now, I need to read more with Jasper. I need to spend more time with Sam on his homework. I need to capture all the special moments with Bianca like I did with my boys. I need to listen to them more, and hold them more. I need to manage my cleaning-house time better so that I can spend more family time. I need to cook more meals so that we eat out less. I need to figure out how the hell to keep up with the laundry. Do I need to make myself sick about it all? No. Absolutely not. And I need to stop questioning myself and being so hard on myself when my house is a mess or when I serve them mac and cheese for the second day in a row. Because this is a time that we will never get back. This is it. This is when they still believe in Santa Claus and his magic. This is when they still want you to just stop and hold them for a while. This is when they fight over who gets to lay next to you in bed while watching a movie. They don't even care what's on TV if it means they get to stay up a little later and be next to you. This is when they look up to you and they want you at field trips and school events. This is when they proudly whisper to their friends, "That's my mom." 

Enough is not enough for me. I can do better. Those three, along with Jeremy, are the best thing to ever happen to me. I am so lucky to have them. They deserve my very best, all of the time. We shouldn't be down on ourselves when we have bad mom and dad days. Because we are ALL super moms and dads. But we should always, always try to do better. I want them to know I tried. I want them to know I cared. And I want them to understand that it's important to not just be enough, but to always work to be better. 

With that said, I need to do better at updating my blog because I haven't updated it since last New Year's. Let's catch up.

In January, Jasper received the Sacrament of Reconciliation with his fellow second graders.

It was another fantastic Mardi Gras. We wore costumes to basically everything and by Ash Wednesday, it felt weird to NOT wear a wig. 

 Our family theme for Mardi Gras Day was giant, colorful headpieces. They were a hit!

 We had a great time at Barkus, dressed like Batman characters. I cut out over 300 felt leaves to be Poison Ivy, and it was totally worth it. We had a really fun day together. Jeremy is so awesome for proudly wearing anything I buy or make for him.

We'll be at Napoleon and Prytania every year for those six days straight. You should join us.

  

 We enjoyed another fabulous lunch at Arnaud's Lundi Gras Day. We were by far, the best looking , best dressed people in the entire restaurant! Some people thought we were the entertainment. We didn't want to be rude and correct them. We ARE pretty entertaining.

We went all out for St. Patrick's Day, and had an awesome time at both the Irish Channel and the Metairie Road parades. Dress up whenever you can because you'll always have more fun. We are living proof.

I joined Sam and his PK4 class at their field trip to the Insectarium. He has some great little buddies. 

Old Metairie Fest was a great day. The boys performed on stage. Sam is the best dancer in our family.

The Easter bunny showed up to our Egg Hunt again this year. We had so much candy that it lasted til almost the end of summer! I'm still finding plastic eggs under furniture and bunny erasers in the couch. Not joking.

I just love this picture. Real life, right here. 

Luckily, this one is real life too. 

We celebrated Jasper as he received the Sacrament of Communion for the first time, 5/4/19.
This kid, y'all, he's just so awesome. 

 We also celebrated Star Wars Day, "May the 4th be with you!"

Jeremy cooked a fantastic breakfast for us all on Mother's Day. Then, we took a walk in the Sculpture Garden and visited the lions.

Sam and his teachers, Mrs. Jane and Mrs. Veronica on his last day of PK4. I can't even describe to you how wonderful these teachers are. They take such good care of us.

Jasper and his teacher Mrs. Batt on the last day of 2nd grade. The thing I love about Mrs. Batt--When she talked about Jasper, especially his accomplishments, she got as excited about him as I do when I talk about him. It made me feel so good to know she saw him the way Jeremy and I see him.

The one LSU baseball game we went to was against Ole Miss. We were down 10-5 and came back, then played SEVERAL more innings (I lost count how many) til we ultimately lost. But it was a great game and a lot of fun. Also, SUPER HOT! Oh, and when Sam gets tired he gets really fun and delirious. 5/5/19 

We took the boys to get fun summer haircuts, and they both requested fo-hawks.

We tried out a new summer camp for a few weeks at Rummel. With those haircuts, you better believe they were the coolest kids there! And talk about nostalgic. I practically lived at Rummel after school for four years straight. How has it been over 20 years?

I decided to take a cabbage ball pic with my boys this summer and it's quite possibly my favorite pic of the year. Sam still doesn't actually "play" cabbage ball. Instead you can find him hanging out at the concessions, eating pizza and drinking three Sprites per night.

We finally brought back our annual beach trip. It had been way too long! What a relaxing and fun time for all of us! Spend every moment you can with their grandparents. Make sure they know how wonderful they are. Mine do.

Bianca turned two on August 2nd. We celebrated her at Granny's house with a pool party! I've never seen so many unicorns in one place! Our girl had a perfect day.

And on August 12th, Jasper turned eight! We had dinner at Giorlando's with family and ordered his favorite, cookie cake. 

Finally, we have all three at one school! One drop-off! Hooray!!

Let the tailgating begin!

Coordinating our black and gold attire at church on game day!

Jeremy and Bianca's first St. Francis Xavier Daddy Daughter Dance 10/11/19

Funny story... On our way to piano and a few days before Halloween, I mentioned to Jasper, "Remind me to get my eagle costume out from the attic so that I can let a friend at work borrow it for Halloween." Jasper asked quite curiously, "He doesn't have a costume?" I told him no, and that's why my friend is borrowing one of mine. He was in shock, thinking to himself for a few seconds, and ultimately following up with, "Does he have a house?!?" He couldn't understand how someone didn't own a single costume. To Jasper, costumes are as essential to life as shelter. Having a costume on hand is just as important as having a roof over your head. And I'm never going to tell him any different.

I was able to squeeze in one more family theme this year for Halloween! (I'm not sure how much longer the boys will be up for "family" costumes.) The boys picked out gorilla costumes first, so Jeremy and I were Tarzan and Jane. We originally planned to make Bianca a banana but she hated the costume. So she was a leopard instead. She called herself a tiger. I didn't have the heart to correct her. And frankly, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a tiger, am I right?! I know Jeremy was proud. Anyone in need of a banana costume, 2T?

Trunk or Treat at school was so much fun. I think the adults love this event just as much as the kids do! Halloween though, ugh, it got super cold. Jeremy was freezing his dreads off in that loin cloth...

If you've made it down this far thank you so much for reading. Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And in case I don't get to write for a while, Happy Mardi Gras too. If it were up to me, we'd jump straight from Halloween to Mardi Gras, save money on gifts and spend it on costumes! I know Bianca feels the same. As soon as I pulled her leopard/tiger costume off, she immediately reached for her Mardi Gras tutu and wore it to bed. That's my girl.

Starr Family 2019