In the meantime, since all the baby updates I've been getting only say "Congratulations!" and that the baby is the size of a pumpkin, I thought it would be entertaining to poke a little fun at all of those crazy situations that happen at the end of pregnancy. I recently posted a thread on babycenter.com titled, "You know you've been pregnant for too long when..." and since Tuesday, it's gotten over 200 comments. Here are some of my absolute favorites:
You know you've been pregnant for too long when...
-Even your biggest maternity shirts are too tight, but you wear them anyway because you just don't care anymore.
-At least ten people at work say to you "You're STILL here?"
-Someone asks you if you are having twins.
-You can't get out of bed without grunting (Ask Jeremy about this one!).
-You fall asleep on the toilet during your nightly potty breaks.
-You notice you haven't been able to see certain body parts in months.
-You have mastered putting on bottoms by dangling them (OMG, this one is so true!).
-You left the light on in the bathroom but don't bother going back to turn it off because you know you'll be back in a half hour.
-You welcome contractions.
-You sit and watch the dog sleep and all you can think is "lucky bitch!" (No offense Callie.)
-You TRY to hit potholes on purpose hoping the bumps will induce labor.
-Your ankles look like Princess Fiona's from Shrek (Hilarious!).
-You have to stand on the scale at the doctor's office backwards because your belly is just too big to face forward.
-Your due date comes and goes.
-You're sleeping naked with no blanket and your husband is bundled up like it is the second ice age.
-Shaving your legs becomes another form of yoga.
-Your wedding ring hasn't fit in months.
-You stand at the bottom of the stairs and just stare up at them. (This has been going on for a few weeks at work.)
-You stop asking your husband if you look OK when you get dressed in the morning because you know at this point he would just be lying if he said yes.
-You lay in bed and contemplate what would take more effort, getting up to go to the bathroom or cleaning up when you pee your pants.
-You have worse gas than your husband and don't even care anymore.
-You wear a shirt two days in a row and it's a small miracle because you didn't get any food stains on it the day before!
-You feel like you need some sort of construction equipment to roll you over in bed at night because it's so much effort to do it yourself! (OMG, so, so true!! I call Jeremy my crane.)
-You go for a walk to try to induce labor and have to turn around after 5 minutes because you have to pee again (This happened to me last night people!)
-You spit like a llama while brushing your teeth because you can't reach the sink bowl.
-You have developed a 'system' for turning over in bed.
-You honestly consider sleeping naked with air mattresses for pillows in your bathtub just so you can pee 20 times a night without having to get up. (Loved this one!)
-Moving a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer is a chore that requires sitting down for a rest afterward.
-You can balance a plate of food on your belly.
-Baby's squirming hurts so much it feels like he's going to break right out, like an alien.
-You no longer fit in a standard booth at a restuarant.
-You lean forward to eat your dinner and find it doesn't help...there is no way you are going to avoid spilling food from your mouth! And it lands on your big belly again.
-Your legs and feet look like big sausages and your toes look like cocktail weenies. (This one's from me. This issue began two days ago and has not stopped.)
I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did. Baby Starr said to tell you all, "See ya in a week!"
Thanks for the many phone calls, texts and facebook comments. We love y'all.
